saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
