Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
