i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
