wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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