I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wear drunk well.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
