I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
