please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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