I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
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How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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