guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
