You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
