I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
