I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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