my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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