i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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