dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
