Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
