If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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