If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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