You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
