did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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