apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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