I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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