i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize