New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
