is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize