Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize