Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
