I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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