apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in