how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him