no, he came in my armpit
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.