my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?