Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?