I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
