I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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