if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
