The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
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You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit