I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂