1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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