Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste