Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.

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  (954): The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/yi61
  Replies (21) Good night (4224) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."

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  (774): I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..." http://tfl.nu/yy1j
  Replies (8) Good night (4270) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.

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  (925): I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible. http://tfl.nu/f1y0
  Replies (7) Good night (3796) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.

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  (954): Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it. http://tfl.nu/slzd
  Replies (19) Good night (1464) Bad night (3765) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.

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  (773): His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ofzk
  Replies (24) Good night (1973) Bad night (3890) Order T-Shirt
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  (61): View more from Australia

  I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY

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  (61): I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY http://tfl.nu/btxo
  Replies (1) Good night (1504) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.

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  (386): Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole. http://tfl.nu/vrpb
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (1972) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.

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  (973): I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst. http://tfl.nu/4se8
  Replies (16) Good night (1152) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?

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  (314): New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there? http://tfl.nu/271n
  Replies (4) Good night (1500) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.

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  (253): I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE. http://tfl.nu/sorm
  Replies (7) Good night (1537) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!

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  (770): Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?! http://tfl.nu/n67z
  Replies (12) Good night (516) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.

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  (812): You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard. http://tfl.nu/0j3h
  Replies (9) Good night (1294) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  The milf did the body paint, come to the bar

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  (334): The milf did the body paint, come to the bar http://tfl.nu/v4xl
  Replies (2) Good night (805) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.

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  (515): You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it. http://tfl.nu/eptf
  Replies (6) Good night (1833) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?

  (1+44): View more from

  Which pub are you in?

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  (+44): Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon? (1+44): Which pub are you in? http://tfl.nu/p4a0
  Replies (6) Good night (562) Bad night (109) Order T-Shirt

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