Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
