Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
