he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's blow job season.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
