i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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