I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
