Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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