i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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