Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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