onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize