He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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