six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
