well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
