To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
