Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
