6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
