Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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