Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
