Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
