She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
