you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
