Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if only i could text you this smell
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
