Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
