I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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