ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
