is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
